how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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