the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
