Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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