I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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