I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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