This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
