you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
