I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
