Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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