evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize