ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
