She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
