i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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