yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
