I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
