everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
