shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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