Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
