So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
