I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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