So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
