I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
