she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
