Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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