that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize