My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
