At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
