all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
