ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
