I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
