we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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