it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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