My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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