mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
