suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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