When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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