just tell him i said nine months
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
