I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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