i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
