I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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