I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
