So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
His hands were made for my vagina.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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