i already hear my dad disowning me
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
