I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
there is glitter all over my balls
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
