Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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