How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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