You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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