I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
