Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
