I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize