i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
