? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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