fuck your aforementioned shoe
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
