I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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