Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
