Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
