I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
