The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
