i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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