You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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