mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
