Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she pinky promised me she was 18
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
