she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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