YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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