you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
