just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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