I like to think it a success when the cops are called
too bad you live with your parents still
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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