It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
