are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
