Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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