i just wanna soil my oats bro
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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