People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
